well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
