Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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