No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
