just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
