you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
