i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
