what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
