3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
