I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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