I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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