She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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