I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
