you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
