He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
