so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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