Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
