I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize