I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
