Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
