opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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