No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize