No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
