I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
