Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
