Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
