I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
