Fine. I'll sleep in my office
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
