Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
