unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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