There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
