For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
