...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
