Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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