you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
