The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
