the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
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