You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
