How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
