This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
