My room smells like vodka and shame
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
