i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Why is your signature on my underwear?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
