Nicole vs. Life
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
