OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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