no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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