Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I love you. Go after that dick
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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