I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
