It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
