So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
