I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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