The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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