u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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