Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize