I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's rum buckets o'clock
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
