Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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