I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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