i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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