i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
