2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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