The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
