Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
don't judge my taste in strippers
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
