I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
