so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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