Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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