I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
