mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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