I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
As shirtless as possible
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
