yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
