i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize