I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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