You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
