u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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