Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
its liver damage thursday
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
