I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize