All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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