we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
