What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
