he wants to bone in the snuggie
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
