Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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