i just sent this text using only my big toe
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
