Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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