Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
