don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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