i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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