I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
