You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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