I wish I only lived at night.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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