there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
