Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
