This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
