I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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