you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
