Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
