Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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