I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
