I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
